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Jun 24, 2014

EAT.REAL.FOOD. Actual food. Whole food. That you chew.

I have so much to post about, but I need to rant...

People are popping up left and right with their stupid cleansing shit.  Maybe because it's almost summer or something but it is ALL OVER my facebook newsfeed.  I keep hiding and reporting it as spam, but apparently facebook doesn't get the hint that I don't wanna see that shit.

NEWSFLASH -
You don't need to spend hundreds of dolla bills on these "cleanses"
The part that actually makes you lose weight is the FOOD THAT YOU ARE EATING.

Have you checked the ingredients on these shakes?
DAFUQ do you need all that random shit for?

Cleanse for Life® Natural Rich Berry (Powder)
Other Ingredients: Fructose, 
natural flavor, potassium citrate, 
purple carrot (Daucus carota), 
citric acid, lime juice powder
Ionic Alfalfa™, Aloe vera leaf gel (inner-heart filet) 
powder, bilberry (Vaccinium myrtillus) extract, 
blueberry (Vaccinium corymbosum) extract, 
ashwagandha (Withania somnifera) extract, raspberry 
(Rubus idaeus) juice extract, pau d’arco (Tabebuia 
impetiginosa) inner bark extract, burdock (Arctium 
lappa) root extract, fennel (Foeniculum vulgare) seed 
extract, rhodiola (Rhodiola rosea) root extract, yellow 
dock (Rumex crispus) root extract, deglycyrrhizinated 
licorice (DGL) root extract (Glycyrrhiza glabra), suma 
(Pfaffia paniculata) root extract, Eleutherococcus 
senticosus root extract, peppermint (Mentha piperita) 
leaf extract, turmeric (Curcuma longa) root extract, 
choline bitartrate, inositol, betaine HCl, l-methionine

Mmmmmmmmmmmm LET'S CLEANSE WITH FRUCTOSE!  Have you no idea how terrible sugar is for you? Yes, fructose is sugar.  The fast absorbing type. The type that TURNS INTO FAT if you don't use it right away.  And who the fuck chews on roots?  Nobody actually eats this crap in it's whole form.

IsaLean® Shake Creamy French Vanilla
Ingredients: Exclusive Myo-IsaLean Complex™ [whey protein concentrate 
(undenatured), milk protein concentrate (undenatured), low-heat nonfat 
dry milk], isomaltooligosaccharide powder, fructose, sunflower (Helianthus 
annuus) oil powder, natural flavors, olive (Olea europaea) oil powder, flax 
(Linum usitatissimum) seed powder, xanthan gum, tapioca maltodextrin, 
medium chain triglyceride (MCT) oil powder, cinnamon (Cinnamomum 
zeylanicum) powder, Ionic Alfalfa™, magnesium oxide, tricalcium 
phosphate, potassium citrate, magnesium citrate, apple (Malus pumila) 
juice powder, sea salt, enzyme blend [lactase (from Aspergillus oryzae), 
lipase (from Rhizopus oryzae), cellulase (from Trichoderma longibrachiatum), 
invertase (from Saccharomyces cerevisiae), protease (from Aspergillus 
oryzae), amylase (from Bacillus subtilis), bromelain (from Ananas comosus), 
papain (from Carica papaya), acid stable protease (from Aspergillus niger)], 
silicon dioxide, yucca (Yucca schidigera) root powder, vitamin C (ascorbic 
acid), magnesium stearate, psyllium seed powder, biotin, selenium amino 
acid chelate, Lactobacillus acidophilus, vitamin E succinate, copper amino 
acid chelate, vitamin A (beta carotene), stevia (Stevia rebaudiana) leaf 
extract, zinc oxide, manganese amino acid chelate, iodine amino acid 
chelate, niacinamide, d-calcium pantothenate, vitamin D3 (cholecalciferol), 
chromium amino acid chelate, niacin, molybdenum amino acid chelate, 
vitamin B6 (pyridoxine hydrochloride), vitamin B12 (cyanocobalamin), 
vitamin B2 (riboflavin), vitamin B1 (thiamin hydrochloride), folate (folic acid)

Sounds super lean.  And full of garbage.  That you don't need. 

BROMALAIN!  WHERE MY BROS AT? I got some MALAIN FOR YOU!

This isn't clean eating.  This isn't some magic weight loss tool.  This is a quick fix, not a lifestyle change (Well, unless you want to spend hundreds of dollars on non-food shakes every month. for the rest of your life.  Sounds like a blast.)

Here's an idea.  Cleanse your body by NOT EATING SHIT.  You have a liver and kidneys for a reason.  You don't need these fucking chemicals and "herbs" and "roots" and "blends" that your body probably can't absorb anyways to "cleanse" your system.  IT DOES IT ITSELF.  It's like fucking magic.  Just stop putting crap in your body, and you'll feel great.  You don't need all this extra shit for all this extra money.

And a wrap?  You're going to wrap yourself in some more chemicals and hope to shed pounds and keep them off????  Read literally ANY literature on losing weight. This isn't how it's done. PLEASE don't buy into this.  It even SOUNDS ridiculous.

Seriously, all these people are trying to do is make a quick buck off you.  And then talk you into selling it, and waste your time to get more money from YOUR friends.

Don't be THAT GUY.  Fer realz. Don't do it. We'll judge you. Hard.

If you need a protein shake, get some legit actual grass fed protein, and take it after your workout, when it is most effective.  Don't replace your meals with it.  The meals where you should be getting your nutrients from ACTUAL FOOD.

You want to do a cleanse?  Don't eat sugar for 30 days.  Cleanse your body by eliminating what it doesn't need, not ADDING extra shit that it can't use.

If you have any questions on this, please let me know.  I'll be happy to show you the light.  I don't have all the answers, but I can point you in the right direction to those that do.  And it won't cost you ANY MONEY.  (well except for food.  I can't buy the food for you. ;) I'll cook it for ya though!)

Just eat the goddamn food.  PLEASE.