Jun 27, 2014

200# CLUB


I got a 200# back squat.  I have a 215# Deadlift.  I need a 100# strict press (probably soon, haven't tested it lately).


Double body weight back squat: 270#
Double body weight deadlift: 270#
Body weight Snatch: #135
200# Clean and Jerk

No idea how long it'll take me to get here.  But IT IS HAPPENING.

Here's my beautiful back squat.

I got 195# in January, but it was UUUUUUGGGGLLYYY.  I don't think I got below parallel.  I'll take 200# ass to grass ALL DAY!

Just looked at my programming for next week.  Tuesday is find a 1 RM back squat.  So, I may be at more than 200#.  VACATION PRs ALL DAY.

I alsooooo got a 115# SNATCH yesterday.  After a 6 minute AMRAP of Toes to Bar and OHS.  BOOM.  (That's a 110#, then the 115#)

I love lifting.

Jun 24, 2014

EAT.REAL.FOOD. Actual food. Whole food. That you chew.

I have so much to post about, but I need to rant...

People are popping up left and right with their stupid cleansing shit.  Maybe because it's almost summer or something but it is ALL OVER my facebook newsfeed.  I keep hiding and reporting it as spam, but apparently facebook doesn't get the hint that I don't wanna see that shit.

You don't need to spend hundreds of dolla bills on these "cleanses"
The part that actually makes you lose weight is the FOOD THAT YOU ARE EATING.

Have you checked the ingredients on these shakes?
DAFUQ do you need all that random shit for?

Cleanse for Life® Natural Rich Berry (Powder)
Other Ingredients: Fructose, 
natural flavor, potassium citrate, 
purple carrot (Daucus carota), 
citric acid, lime juice powder
Ionic Alfalfa™, Aloe vera leaf gel (inner-heart filet) 
powder, bilberry (Vaccinium myrtillus) extract, 
blueberry (Vaccinium corymbosum) extract, 
ashwagandha (Withania somnifera) extract, raspberry 
(Rubus idaeus) juice extract, pau d’arco (Tabebuia 
impetiginosa) inner bark extract, burdock (Arctium 
lappa) root extract, fennel (Foeniculum vulgare) seed 
extract, rhodiola (Rhodiola rosea) root extract, yellow 
dock (Rumex crispus) root extract, deglycyrrhizinated 
licorice (DGL) root extract (Glycyrrhiza glabra), suma 
(Pfaffia paniculata) root extract, Eleutherococcus 
senticosus root extract, peppermint (Mentha piperita) 
leaf extract, turmeric (Curcuma longa) root extract, 
choline bitartrate, inositol, betaine HCl, l-methionine

Mmmmmmmmmmmm LET'S CLEANSE WITH FRUCTOSE!  Have you no idea how terrible sugar is for you? Yes, fructose is sugar.  The fast absorbing type. The type that TURNS INTO FAT if you don't use it right away.  And who the fuck chews on roots?  Nobody actually eats this crap in it's whole form.

IsaLean® Shake Creamy French Vanilla
Ingredients: Exclusive Myo-IsaLean Complex™ [whey protein concentrate 
(undenatured), milk protein concentrate (undenatured), low-heat nonfat 
dry milk], isomaltooligosaccharide powder, fructose, sunflower (Helianthus 
annuus) oil powder, natural flavors, olive (Olea europaea) oil powder, flax 
(Linum usitatissimum) seed powder, xanthan gum, tapioca maltodextrin, 
medium chain triglyceride (MCT) oil powder, cinnamon (Cinnamomum 
zeylanicum) powder, Ionic Alfalfa™, magnesium oxide, tricalcium 
phosphate, potassium citrate, magnesium citrate, apple (Malus pumila) 
juice powder, sea salt, enzyme blend [lactase (from Aspergillus oryzae), 
lipase (from Rhizopus oryzae), cellulase (from Trichoderma longibrachiatum), 
invertase (from Saccharomyces cerevisiae), protease (from Aspergillus 
oryzae), amylase (from Bacillus subtilis), bromelain (from Ananas comosus), 
papain (from Carica papaya), acid stable protease (from Aspergillus niger)], 
silicon dioxide, yucca (Yucca schidigera) root powder, vitamin C (ascorbic 
acid), magnesium stearate, psyllium seed powder, biotin, selenium amino 
acid chelate, Lactobacillus acidophilus, vitamin E succinate, copper amino 
acid chelate, vitamin A (beta carotene), stevia (Stevia rebaudiana) leaf 
extract, zinc oxide, manganese amino acid chelate, iodine amino acid 
chelate, niacinamide, d-calcium pantothenate, vitamin D3 (cholecalciferol), 
chromium amino acid chelate, niacin, molybdenum amino acid chelate, 
vitamin B6 (pyridoxine hydrochloride), vitamin B12 (cyanocobalamin), 
vitamin B2 (riboflavin), vitamin B1 (thiamin hydrochloride), folate (folic acid)

Sounds super lean.  And full of garbage.  That you don't need. 


This isn't clean eating.  This isn't some magic weight loss tool.  This is a quick fix, not a lifestyle change (Well, unless you want to spend hundreds of dollars on non-food shakes every month. for the rest of your life.  Sounds like a blast.)

Here's an idea.  Cleanse your body by NOT EATING SHIT.  You have a liver and kidneys for a reason.  You don't need these fucking chemicals and "herbs" and "roots" and "blends" that your body probably can't absorb anyways to "cleanse" your system.  IT DOES IT ITSELF.  It's like fucking magic.  Just stop putting crap in your body, and you'll feel great.  You don't need all this extra shit for all this extra money.

And a wrap?  You're going to wrap yourself in some more chemicals and hope to shed pounds and keep them off????  Read literally ANY literature on losing weight. This isn't how it's done. PLEASE don't buy into this.  It even SOUNDS ridiculous.

Seriously, all these people are trying to do is make a quick buck off you.  And then talk you into selling it, and waste your time to get more money from YOUR friends.

Don't be THAT GUY.  Fer realz. Don't do it. We'll judge you. Hard.

If you need a protein shake, get some legit actual grass fed protein, and take it after your workout, when it is most effective.  Don't replace your meals with it.  The meals where you should be getting your nutrients from ACTUAL FOOD.

You want to do a cleanse?  Don't eat sugar for 30 days.  Cleanse your body by eliminating what it doesn't need, not ADDING extra shit that it can't use.

If you have any questions on this, please let me know.  I'll be happy to show you the light.  I don't have all the answers, but I can point you in the right direction to those that do.  And it won't cost you ANY MONEY.  (well except for food.  I can't buy the food for you. ;) I'll cook it for ya though!)

Just eat the goddamn food.  PLEASE.

Jun 15, 2014

Paleo Banana Almond Butter Chocolate Chip Cookies

Let me preface this recipe by letting you know these were declared the "best cookies I've ever made." I mean, the original gluten filled recipe from How Sweet It Is is AMAZING, so I'm not sure how this possibly could've went wrong, but WOW. They're good. Really good.

I somehow came down with a cold last week. It was miserable (it still is. UGH). I was home sick on Friday, and Sean texted me to let me know I got him sick (I was inevitable babe), and the least I could do was make some cookies. Well, okay.
I didn't have any ripe bananas, but fortunately I keep some in the freezer for random requests such as this (NOT). But I did have some frozen that I just quickly microwaved and we were good to go!

Paleo Banana Almond Butter Chocolate Chip Cookies
adapted from How Sweet It Is
2 cups + 2 tablespoons blanched almond flour
1 teaspoon baking soda
8 tablespoons of salted butter, melted and cooled
6 tablespoons of creamy almond butter, melted and cooled
1/2 cup organic cane sugar
1 egg yolk
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
1 1/2 ripe medium bananas, mashed
1 1/4 cups chocolate chips

Preheat oven to 325 degrees F.

Melt butter with almond butter in the microwave. It takes about 90 seconds, check every 30 to make sure it isn't splattering everywhere. Set aside to cool. Mix the almond flour and baking soda in a bowl and set aside. In the bowl of your stand mixer, or another large bowl, mix together cooled peanut butter and butter with the organic cane sugar. Add in egg yolk and vanilla extract and mix until smooth. Add in the mashed banana and mix until combined. Gradually add in the dry ingredients, mixing until a dough forms. Fold in chocolate chips.

Scoop the dough in 2-3 tbsp cookies and place on a nonstick baking sheet about 2 inches apart from each other, they will spread a little bit. Bake for 10-12 minutes, until the edges are golden. Transfer to cooling rack to cool completely. Try not to eat them all as soon as they come out of the oven, they're even better a day later!

Makes about 3 dozen cookies

Apparently I should get sick more often. ;)